Making Decisions For Others
Several weeks ago, I bought a workbook titled, “Heavenly Parents: A Couple’s Guide to Creating a More Divine Marriage“. (More info to come on this.)
Even though my husband no longer participates in the LDS faith, the marriage we’ve created together has always been based on principles that we learned from church. Consequently we usually enjoy taking marriage courses together.
After I bought the workbook, I looked through it and liked the 12 principles, one for each month. However I thought there were too many General Authority quotes for my husband and he probably wouldn’t like it.
So I didn’t show it to him…
I’m a super mind reader – NOT!
I read his mind and decided for him that it wasn’t something he would be interested in. He would think it was “too churchy”.
A week later, he found the chapter that I had printed and asked about it.
It turns out that he loves the principles! He is perfectly capable of overlooking quotes that I thought he wouldn’t like. Even though I had the best of intentions in mind, I was just protecting him from a non-issue to him. That old “I assumed” problem we all trip over once in a while. Sure enough, it came and bit me once again. Perhaps this assuming has happened between you and another person?
This kind of mind reading and then editing information is something that we all do in marriage. Making decisions for another is never a great idea. In a mixed-faith marriage, assuming we know what our no-longer believing spouse is thinking, can result in missed opportunities. In this case, I would have missed out on conversations with my husband. Conversations that would bring more of the unity and closeness that we both want in our marriage.