Valuable Resources Available To You

Life Coaching Resources

Valuable Resources Available To You

Who Are You and What Do You Want?

When clients come to me, some of the first questions I ask them are about who they are (their identity) and what they want (purpose).  Often, they don’t know the answer to either of these questions.

Recently I worked with a woman who is married with 5 adult children.  Three of her children had left the church. She was stuck because she couldn’t separate herself from her family.

Her value was all invested in her ability to raise “righteous” children. When some of her kids left the church, she felt  like it was her fault and wondered if she had failed at her most important job. She felt depressed and anxious when we talked about her children. “What more could I have done?” she asked.

We talked about who she is, her roles, her dreams, what she hopes for her life, and her hopes for her family. She started being able to separate her identity from her children’s actions. 

She created some I AM Statements that helped her stay focused on what SHE wanted in her life. Practicing her I AM beliefs helped her to start recognizing who she is and what she wants. 

At our last meeting she was looking forward to doing some things she wanted to do her whole life – but never found time to pursue them . She was also having conversations with her kids and relating to them as individuals. Not as those who were following the gospel path and those who weren’t.  She felt relieved of the burden she had been carrying –  to raise “perfect” kids. 

Valuable Resources Available To You

Resources available to you of my website have a list of worksheets and other information you may find helpful. Some of the worksheets are the exact worksheets that I used to help the above client. (I AM Statements, Life Satisfaction Wheel,  Values and Priorities Workbook, etc.)  Take a look at the Resources page on my website, some of those worksheets might be just what you need to get your life pointed in a new direction. 

My Online Resources May Not Be Enough

Should you need a little more help than the Resources on my website, please reach out.  I would love to work with you on any challenging circumstances in your life.

5 Ways The Church Can Support My Mixed-Faith Family

5 Ways The Church Can Support My Mixed-Faith Family

5 Ways The Church Can Support My Mixed-Faith Family

I Followed The Formula

I grew up a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, learning to be a member by observing those around me as well as being taught by goodly parents.

I learned to serve, lead, teach, pray and participate from parents & grandparents, who put the church first in their lives. 

I followed the prescribed pattern for church membership that was modeled for me. 

I taught my children the way that I was taught, by example and direct instruction. 

Then Something Unexpected Happened

Fast forward a few years ago when nothing prepared me for my husband and some of our children stepping away from the church.  Leaving me as the believing member in my household. I never realized how much support in our faith we get from our family members.

Without my family to share in the gospel, I felt lonely.  I still need to worship with a community and I love being part of the “Body of Christ”. 

That Got Me Thinking 

There isn’t really anything to help our leaders or friends at church know what we might need or how to support us in mixed-faith families.  Also, I know our church friends aren’t  telepathic…

So, I created a list of things that I try and use with my ward family.

5 ways that the Church can support my mixed-faith family: 

  1. Give me a calling – I love being able to serve and would love a calling that lets me be needed at church. 
  2. Give me opportunities to serve others – These opportunities often work better for me as an invitation and not an assignment. 
  3. Talk with me about what my needs are – If my name ever comes up in Ward Council or any other meeting, don’t ask anyone else what they think I need. Please talk to me directly. There is no one who understands my needs better than I do.
  4. Talk with me directly about what you expect from me and allow me to explain my circumstances. – Sign-up sheets, emails and Facebook announcements are often good for group communications, but other times nothing can take the place of a 1:1 conversation. 
  5. Be kind and welcoming – When my family chooses to attend anything with me – it makes it hard when people act like lightning has struck should my husband come to church.  Frequently, church members have nothing to talk about – but the church. I want my family members to feel comfortable around other church members, simply as friends.  

BONUS – One additional way that I can make it easier for the Church to support me.

I need to know what I need – and I need to speak up about it. I can’t expect friends, leaders or ministers at church to notice what I need or offer it to me. It’s my responsibility to let them know when I need a blessing, help with gluten-free sacrament, or receive ministering.  I need to ask for the help I need. 

How About You?

Do any of the above ideas resonate with you? 

Are some of these ways the church can support you in a mixed-faith family something you can share with members of your Ward?

Sometimes we can all use a little support.

Are You Ever Burdened With A Load Of Care?

Burdened with load of care

Are You Ever Burdened With A Load Of Care?

Several weeks ago, I was asked to lead this week’s discussion in Relief Society. The General Conference talk we will be discussing is “Just Keep Going – With Faith”, which is a talk about overcoming discouragement and moving forward.

This week my family got discouraging and disheartening news.

I thought, I “should” know how to deal with hard things!

  • I know how to pray
  • I know how to hand things over to God
  • I know thoughtwork
  • I know how to see the “gifts” life’s challenges bring
  • I know how to re-write my stories
  • I know how to shift into my sage wisdom
  • I know how to recognize and feel my feelings

I have ALL the tools. 

However, let me tell you a little secret.

What actually made things better was acknowledging that I feel discouraged – and that it’s OK to feel discouraged.  Anyone in this situation would feel this way.  We know in time that strong feelings pass and new realities get normalized.

In those moments when discouragement hits us hard, the “tools” don’t really make things better.

Additional Things That Help Me

In addition to all of the above tools, I have a few additional go-to strategies that bring me peace:

  • I listen to what I call “morning birdsong symphonies” from the birds in my yard and pray and meditate to the sound.
  • Since I am a gardener, my garden is a place of refuge and peace for me.
  • Yesterday I spent time in my garden watering, tying up heavy poppies, removing aphids, watching ladybugs eat aphids,picking zinnias, removing the leaves from their stems and arranging them in a vase, all the while noticing their remarkable colors. 
  • Korean Yoga and Tai Chi movements help me move strong feelings through my body.
  • And, of course, a good nap…

Perhaps This Is You?

Women whose spouse and/or children are leaving the church are familiar with facing new and discouraging changes in their lives. Just like my story above, we need to stop and allow the grief before we can “Just Keep Going – With Faith”.  

I am grateful for the wisdom to know that discouragement and grief need a little time to process. As usual, I will bring a unique perspective to my Relief Society lesson tomorrow. 

In addition to time, sometimes we need a little help and encouragement to keep going as we pass through seemingly insurmountable trials.  Often we just need to express our sorrow and discouragement out loud to a listening ear .

Lee, if I can assist you in this process, and help you keep going with faith, I’m here.

Simply click the button below and set up a complementary 30-minute appointment, and let’s talk.

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Defeating Thought Tornados!

Defeating Thought Tornados!

Defeating Thought Tornadoes!

My daughter and her family live in Oklahoma where they have tornados. When I watch the news and see the horrific photos of places hit by tornados. I can’t believe the amount of damage they cause!  Frequently, tornados pick up trees, cars, farm machinery, animals, dirt, wood, bricks, furniture and garbage. They pickup just about anything in their path.  Since what goes up, must come down, the debris field where all of this stuff comes down is typically widespread.

Perhaps you have experienced or seen what the landscape looks like after a tornado has moved through?  The damage done to people and houses from all that flying debris is unimaginable.

Swirling Vortex Of Thought Fragments

You may remember that I described “thought tornados” as repetitive, unresolved thoughts on repeat. Similar to the circling winds of a tornado, our thoughts swirl around and around in our minds. These thoughts also leave debris in their path.  

The debris from thought tornados includes physical debris like sleepless nights and exhaustion.  Additionally, there are also mental debris such as difficulty making decisions, or not enjoying the present moment. These continued thoughts may even lead to anxiety or feelings of depression because we feel stuck and can’t see a way out. See a previous blog post titled: Are You In A Swirling Thought Tornado?

Mixed-Faith Thought Tornados

For women in mixed-faith families, these thought tornados may look like an unhealthy focus on what might happen to your family in the next life, or worrying about attending church on your own.  The debris field might be your relationship with your unbelieving spouse or child.

There are 3 general steps for stopping these run-away thought tornados: 

  1. Recognizing when we are experiencing a thought tornado.
  2. Seeing the damage these thoughts are creating.  
  3. Realizing that we are creating these thoughts, and we can STOP them. 

Sometimes it can be SUPER difficult to defeat the swirling thoughts, and these 3 steps are a lot easier said than done…

If you are interested in learning more about deflating your thought tornados, and the difference this can make in your life, click the button below and schedule a time for us just to talk.