Are You In A Swirling Thought Tornado?

Swirling Thought Tornado

Some of you reading this email may be in the middle of your spouse’s or child’s faith crisis or transition.  Something has caused them to have questions or doubts about LDS church doctrine, practices, history or perhaps even God. 

They may have been struggling to find answers to their questions for a while –  even before they admitted these doubts to themselves. 

Perhaps you are just now finding out about these issues your spouse or child has been wrestling with for months or even years?  

You are trying to understand how this person you love is seriously doubting the gospel that you have such faith in?

Your mind instantly goes to fear, panic and perhaps anger:

  • How could this happen?
  • WHY would they do this?
  • How can I get them back to the truth?
  • How could they do this to our eternal family? 
  • What will others think about our family now?
  • How will their questions affect my own faith and testimony?

Most likely, during your spouse or child’s search for answers to their gospel related questions, they have found few if any people to actually speak with about their thoughts.  

Now you are thrust into their faith journey.  How will you find answers to your fears and questions?

Who can YOU talk with?  Who can relate to your swirl of thoughts?  Heavenly Father?  A friend at church?  Your brother or sister?  Your Bishop?  Your Ministering Brothers/Sisters?  If these resources are able to assist you, that is wonderful!

I didn’t know who I could talk with nearly 6 years ago when my husband finally admitted to himself and to me that he had lost his faith in God.  After 8+ years of my husband struggling to find answers to his faith questions.  His faith was gone…

Around the same time, but for different reasons, 2 of our daughters also stepped away from the church.

I tried to speak with a few family members and friends to work through my thoughts.  Unfortunately, they could not really relate to what I was experiencing, and they had their own thoughts about my situation. They could not help me sort through what I have come to call my “thought tornado”. Thoughts swirling around and around.

28453039_1654004140xQvThought_Tornado_200.jpg

I have experienced all of these feelings as a believing spouse and mother, and I have spoken with numerous people about their experience with a spouse or child in faith transition – and beyond. 

I would love to give you answers to all of your questions, and “make it all better”, but unfortunately no such formula exists.

Each couple and family situation has characteristics that require different approaches.  There are similar issues, but personality, history, relationships, communication styles and timing all factor into choosing options for successfully moving through these emotion-filled situations.

My goal as a life coach is to provide support for LDS women that want to remain faithful to the gospel of Jesus Christ, even when their husband or child loses faith and chooses to walk a different path.  If this is you, I would truly like to assist you in this journey.

I wish I could drop by as a friend, so we could just talk, but since that is not really feasible, could I offer to meet with you face to face on Zoom?   

I invite you to set up a FREE 30 minute appointment.  No obligation, No hard selling sales pitch.  This is simply a time for you to share whatever is on your mind with someone that understands.  If you find our time helpful, we can consider further discussions.

“Ask A Coach” – Responses To LDS Mixed-Faith Family Questions

LDS Mixed-Faith Family Questions

I am excited to announce that the first 2 episodes of “Ask A Coach” have been posted on my YouTube channel!   My goal is to provide some solutions to questions that often come up in LDS mixed-faith families. 

Episode 1 Questions:

1. “Are you okay if Dad and I still talk about our church experiences around you?”

2. “Will they turn away from the health habits they’ve followed their entire lives?”

3. “My husband just told me that he doesn’t believe the church is true and he wants to tell me all the reasons. What do I do?”

Episode 2 Questions:

1. “How are we going to tell our children that my spouse is leaving the church?”

2. “The language we use to describe each other as “believers” or “non-believers” is important.”

I plan to address a few questions in video format every couple of weeks.  I will let you know when the episodes are posted and the questions I address.

If you are in a mixed-faith family – I NEED YOUR HELP!

I know what my mixed-faith family questions were and are, but I would like to address YOUR questions.  Could you take a moment and send me an email with a few of the questions YOU are looking for answers to?

My goal as a life coach is to provide support for LDS women that want to remain faithful to the gospel of Jesus Christ, even when their children or husband lose faith and choose different paths.  If this is you, I would truly like to assist you in this journey. 

Thanks!

Rethinking Sin, Salvation and Everything In Between

All Things New

Recently I’ve been reading the book titled “All Things New, Rethinking Sin, Salvation and Everything In Between” by Fiona and Terryl Givens. Reading this book has changed the way I think about several gospel concepts, and I am very excited to share what I am learning. 

Several of my Instagram friends started talking about this book “All Things New”, and I resisted getting on the bandwagon until one day Fiona Givens spoke to the LDS Life Coaches group I below to. I was so excited by what she had to say that I bought the audio book and listened to it.  Then I wanted to be able to underline phrases and concepts, so I bought the paperback book too!  The book is now underlined in many colors and dogeared. 

The book is divided into two parts. The first part is a history of Christianity with a focus on the nature of God. The Givens write about how the view of Christianity changed from the early church through the teachings of Luther, Calvin and Augustine, and how the modern restoration fits in. They discuss how the way we view God, has changed over time, from a loving God to an angry, punitive God, and how these views damage our relationship with Him.

The second part of the book looks at our language and how the distortions that have crept in over time have damaged our language and understanding of basic gospel concepts.

Because I have understood several concepts so differently, I’ve returned again and again to read the chapters on Sin, Repentance, Forgiveness, Salvation and Obedience. I’ve also researched these 5 words in the Gospel Library app, looking in the gospel topics section, topical guide, and the Bible dictionary.  I’ve even read recent General Conference talks with this book playing in the back of my mind. I love finding teachings in General Conference talks that support these thoughts. In Elder Christofferson’s talk, “Our Relationship with God”, he said that repentance, obedience, and sacrifice matter because “they are the means by which we collaborate with Him in our own transformation from natural [wo]man to saint.” I love the idea of collaborating with Christ to become a saint.

One of the things that I found so interesting was reframing the concept of “Sin”. When I grew up, I thought sin was terrible and felt I had to be perfect all the time. I didn’t want to do anything that might create sin, and when I did sin, I couldn’t face my own weaknesses or shortcomings. In reality, I was trying to be “my own Savior” by being “good” all the time.  I was also rationalizing things that I did as not really sinful, because sin was horrifying. This way of thinking caused pressure on me all the time to always do things the “right” way. It didn’t really bring me closer to Christ, it actually kept me away from Him. 

The example the Given’s used to reframe the concept of “sin” was from the new world as Christ did ministering and healing, not preaching, rebuking or judging. They suggest looking at “sin” as being wounded, and wounded so deeply that we are separated from God and that we need to be “healed” of our “wounds” to return to God.

I started asking myself how I had been wounded this week or how I might have been the one to wound others. At church, I approach Sacrament time by thinking about wounds and how God was able to help me heal from my wounds and minister to others that are wounded. I really resonated with this teaching and I found that thinking this way helped me be more willing to see my own hurts and how I hurt others. I really felt changed and I saw myself having more love and compassion for myself and for others. I am seeing things in a more optimistic way and I am more willing to change myself rather than hide away from sin.

So I offer an enthusiastic two thumbs up for this book. I think that it is especially appropriate for mixed-faith families, as I have witnessed people who I love that have been wounded by their association with the church. Seeing them as wounded changes how I view them and our relationship. Now I just want to be better at loving them.

If you read this book, I would love to hear how you felt about the concepts. I would also be interested in hearing about any of your favorite books that have helped you with your mixed-faith family.

How to Speak with Love When Referring to Those Who Have Left the Church

thoughtful businesswomen discussing problems in bright workspace

Just a brief note about some exciting news: I was featured on the Latter-day Life Coaches Podcast today! 

“How to Speak with Love When Referring to Those Who Have Left the Church”

We discuss the importance of how we speak about, and how we speak with those we love that are experiencing challenges to their faith.  

Here is the link to listen:      https://ldslifecoaches.com/

                 or

Here is the link to watch:      https://www.youtube.com

I’d love to hear what your favorite take away is!  You can simply click here to provide your input or submit any questions you would like addressed in future Q & A podcasts.

Can’t wait to hear what you think!

Feel free to share this information with a friend or loved one that may benefit from this podcast.