When I was 9 or 10, I was assigned to talk at church. As part of the talk, my mother asked me to memorize a poem by Robert Frost, “Two Roads Diverged in a Wood”. My reward for memorizing this poem was a Disney movie at the theater with my family – if I memorized the poem before the movie. Unfortunately, I missed the movie but ultimately succeeded in memorizing the poem that ends with the words, “And I, I took the path least traveled by, and that has made all the difference.”
This is one of the stories that I tell about myself, showing me as the “heroine” in my own life’s story. I triumphed over adversity to win the greater prize, and make my life better because of the influence of this poem.
THE PATH IS NOT SO SMOOTH
At the 60,000-foot level, the heroine in this story and our lives look smooth and even. However, when we are in the middle of our stories, and at ground level, the path is not so smooth. It turns out there are lots of twists and turns in our life’s journeys. We find that, in addition to the heroine, there are more characters in each of our stories.
THE CAST OF CHARACTERS
Let me introduce you to several characters that we will each play at some time in our lives.
- The Heroine – The person who ultimately triumphs over every obstacle until they reach the end.
- The Helper – Those who guide and influence us for good, help us avoid distractions, and stay focused on our path through life.
- The Victim – The individual who becomes bogged down with life and gets “stuck” on a dead-end or detour, and can’t seem to get unstuck.
- The Villain – Someone who is consumed by anger or fear, who does whatever it takes to get whatever she wants. Someone who is well-intentioned, but extreme, or someone who only likes the few people in their circle, and is suspicious and excludes everyone else.
Today I wanted to focus on the VICTIM. Before I learned about thoughtwork and the CTFAR thought model, I spent a lot of time stuck in victimhood, feeling helpless, powerless, trapped, hopeless, and resentful. I thought everyone else was in charge of my life except me. I was unable to recognize this pattern, and all I knew was that I felt stuck. Once I learned some simple tools, I was able to see my life with new eyes and accept the responsibility of owning my own story.
VICTIM ENTERS THE SCENE
The seeds of victimhood are frequently sown in our childhood when we learn thought patterns that don’t work for us as we enter adulthood. As a matter of fact, sometimes we can have an adult body and still have the emotional maturity of a child.
OUR ABILITY TO CHOOSE
Hopefully, we all want to become emotional adults. In the church, we learn that this pattern of thinking is called “Agency” and it is a great gift we have from God that we need to learn to navigate in earth life. It’s when we don’t want the responsibility of using our agency, and we think that there is someone else better qualified to tell us what to do, that we run into trouble.
TRIAL AND ERROR
Many of us are not taught about the tools that help us become emotional adults, and we learn them by trial and error or by accident. As a lifecoach, I can help you learn about these tools on purpose, much more efficiently and with less pain.
SHARE MY TOOLS WITH YOU
I have packed a whole program with tools designed to help you see yourself as a heroine who knows what she wants and how to get there. When you join “Becoming a Whole-Hearted Woman”, I will be your guide or helper. Assisting you in figuring out which tools belong in your personal tool kit. Sometimes it just helps to share your story with someone else. Let’s talk. I can help you determine if this is the right step for you.