Over the past few weeks I’ve written a series of emails about agency and personal responsibility. The first email was about personal agency, the second email was about our loved ones’ agency. This email is about owning our own agency and being 100% responsible for our choices. A 2017 BYU Education Week talk titled “Be 100 Percent Responsible” was the source for much of my thinking on agency.
Learning about using my agency was so important while I was finding my balance and making important decisions after several members of my family left the church. I wanted to be in charge of making my decisions for myself. I didn’t want my default to be allowing the church, friends, family, or my husband to make my decisions for me. At church we are taught about the beautiful principle of agency. However, being able to apply it every day when I wasn’t on the same page as those around me was a new experience.
I am the believing member of the church in my household. No one cares if I attend church, study my scriptures, pray, pay tithing or attend the temple. Based on the values and priorities I have chosen for myself, I have to decide which things are important to me. Which things will help me become closer to my heavenly parents. I decide the things I want to do, and then I am the one that DOES these things. I am the expert on me. In time I’ve learned that I’m 100% responsible for my choices.
The only way to learn to use our agency is to stop letting our choices default to someone or something else. We need to start using that power ourselves.
Steps I use to prepare myself to make choices:
- Determine my values. (I review my values every year.)
- Determine my priorities. (I realign my priorities regularly.)
- Make choices that match my values and priorities.
(Note: Not making a choice or delaying, is still making a choice…)
- Accept responsibility for both the positive and negative results of my choices. (If things don’t go as well as planned, it is always tempting to blame someone or something else. Instead I ask myself, “How did I contribute to this result?”)
- Make peace with my choices. (I attempt not to second guess my choices, and I do my best not to wallow in regret. I trust that I made the best choice that I could at the time.)
- Recognize the power that comes into my life when I accept responsibility for every choice and decision I make. (I’m 100% Responsible For My Choices.)
Coaching can help you decide on your choices:
I coach women who have loved ones questioning their faith or leaving the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Coaching is a tool that can help us discover our agency and the power we have to make our own choices. While seeing that our loved ones also get to make their own choices. I can help you discover that power within you, even when it’s scary to make really important choices. Balancing the gospel and our loved ones’ recent choices is unfamiliar territory for many of us. Consequently I would love to help you navigate your spiritual life when you want to stay in the church and loved ones around you are leaving.
Often, having someone who “has been in your shoes”, and can relate to the thoughts and feelings you are experiencing, can help as you clarify your values and priorities.
My Offer To You:
I invite you to get in touch with me – just to talk. You will find that coaches are great listeners. As a coach, I cannot “tell you what you should do”. However, I can listen and provide some ideas and perspectives to consider. As you work through your thoughts, feelings and choices – in all areas of your life. If you’re on a cell phone, click on the 3 lines at the top right of this page. If you’re on a PC, simply click the CONTACT ME button at the top right of your screen. Let me know what’s on your mind or how I can be of assistance. We can set up a time to talk.